Typical Work Day Morning With Two Under Two

2:30 a.m. Toddler awakens with a strong urge to color. Toddler will remain awake and whiney until urge passes at around 3:15 a.m. Mom & Toddler pass out on couch.

6:05 a.m. Toddler uses pulling Mom’s eyelashes as an acceptable way of waking her up.

6:20 a.m. Toddler takes 20 minutes in the potty because he needs several verses of the ABC’s to feel impelled to go.

6:15 a.m. Teething Infant awakens.

6:20 a.m. Toddler needs help wiping while inconsolable teething Infant weeps for attention in the background.

6:25 a.m. Infant’s diaper is changed , bottle is made and Infant is placed on Rock N Play to eat. Small tantrum ensues as Infant insists on drinking her bottle while laying down on her tummy. Mom gives up trying to reason with Infant but keeps watchful eye. Toddler has found mom’s phone and is now on YouTube.

6:40 a.m. It is the Toddler’s turn to be changed. Toddler is wrestled into t-shirt, lies limp as mom attempts to put his pants on. Mom, having had enough of the lack of cooperation in what is supposed to be a team effort, withdraws phone from Toddler’s strong grip. Tantrum ensues. As Toddler flails arms around in rage, he accidentally wacks Mom in the retina. Outraged, mom places still-angry Toddler on time out (one minute per age).

6:50 a.m. To keep a close eye on Toddler as he is grabbing a hold of his emotions on the kitchen couch, Mom uses this time wisely to pack her lunch for the day. Infant is placed in walker as she is now just playing with the bottle she is supposed to be drinking.

6:52 a.m. Mom sits next to Toddler to explain why he was placed on time out. Toddler informs mom he’s gone pee-pee.

6:55 a.m. Toddler is placed on the toilet in case there are any remaining liquids lurking in his bladder. Toddler insists Mom recites ABC’s with him. Infant weeps for attention in the background.

7:00 a.m. After absolutely no bathroom activity whatsoever, Toddler climbs down from toilet and is changed again. Toddler is placed on recliner with Little Baby Bum on the TV so Infant can be tended to.

7:03 a.m. As mom guilt slowly creeps into mom’s heart, Infant is cuddled, kissed, bounced and loved on hard for several minutes to assure her of Mom’s love, despite Toddler’s constant need for attention.

7:13 a.m. Infant is placed on walker with teething ring.

7: 15 a.m. Running late already, Mom runs to her room to change into work clothes and shoes she’s laid out the night before. Weeping infant follows looking for cuddles and attention.

7:20 a.m. Mom picks up Infant and notices Toddler is missing his shoe. Frantically looking for the missing sneaker and failing to find it, mom opts for sandals instead. It’s hot, it’s fine. Upon picking Toddler up with right arm (Infant on left arm), the shoe is found nestled underneath Toddler’s buttocks the entire time. Infant is placed on the ground with toys while Toddler’s shoes are being put on. Infant weeps for attention.

7:25 a.m. The time has come to leave the premises. Weeping infant is placed in car seat. Hoping to make the least amount of trips as possible, mom wears kids’ backpack, picks up purse and Infant with left hand, lunch bag in right arm and has Toddler hold her right hand.

7:28 a.m. Toddler spots the Dog and screeches, frightened. Mom must now pick up toddler, as well, and carry him to his car seat.

7:35 a.m. Upon placing all items in her hands inside the car, Mom returns to make a quick K-cup and grab her phone charger.

7:38 p.m. Mom sits in car, sipping coffee and regretting her decision to wear heels for the first time in 2 years after back-to-back pregnancies. Infant weeps. Toddler sings ABC’s. Damn it, late again.

Christy is a full-time working mom of two kids under two years of age and wife two a hard-working construction man. She’s used the writing experience in her public relations career as an outlet to the craziness that is parenthood. Her anecdotes and tips in motherhood can be found on her blog, Coffee + Chaos.